句作 - Kusaku
"Kusaku" means "composing haiku"
This weekend I worked on this:
nigakatta ka?
me ga ocha mitai
kuchi amai
苦かったか？
目がお茶みたい
口甘い
LITERAL:
was it bitter?
eyes look like tea
mouth sweet
TRANSLATED:
eyes like pure brown tea
the past's hidden bitterness?
lips sweet like sugar
But I'm thinking that maybe it should be like this:
甘い口
目がお茶みたい
苦かったか？
sweet mouth
eyes look like tea
was it bitter?
lips sweet like sugar
the past's hidden bitterness?
eyes like pure brown tea
This weekend I worked on this:
nigakatta ka?
me ga ocha mitai
kuchi amai
苦かったか？
目がお茶みたい
口甘い
LITERAL:
was it bitter?
eyes look like tea
mouth sweet
TRANSLATED:
eyes like pure brown tea
the past's hidden bitterness?
lips sweet like sugar
But I'm thinking that maybe it should be like this:
甘い口
目がお茶みたい
苦かったか？
sweet mouth
eyes look like tea
was it bitter?
lips sweet like sugar
the past's hidden bitterness?
eyes like pure brown tea
Unknown さんの投稿 投稿時:
9:54
1 件のコメント:
I'd actually printed this out and was looking at it from all angles (as it were). The bitterness question is...very personal. So personal that I (the reader) don't feel invited in, but that may not matter. I see the tie between tea and bitter. Eyes of tea... eyes full of tea? (now I fear I'm falling into Blurry Eyes Engrish territory). Unfortunately Lips Like Sugar is an Echo and the Bunnymen title so that's making that line difficult for me to get past.
In answer to your other question--I hope it transcends words, but I understand as a verbal person the frustration.
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